No, it’s not like that.

Don’t you listen???

Oh, common Ben……

No!! I didn’t say I don’t want it. I just can’t make it this week!!

What??? No… What guy?

No guy!! Dammit, don’t you dare saying that to me!!!

Hey, I’ve listened, now your turn!!

Dammit, Ben, this is our third fight today, aren’t you tired?

I have to hang you up now…

Bye Ben… Save your battery!!”

I can hear Ben’s still yelling at the other end of my phone but I turn my cell off anyway. I can’t stand these arguments anymore. I detach the battery to make a double sure that he won’t be able to reach me now. It was a dead silence in my ears for a couple seconds, and then subtly the noise from the grocery fills me up. It gives me a sort feeling like I just landed from an outer-space journey; back to earth with its gravity. Somehow, it’s such a relief. I don’t care what Ben would feel, I’m just not in the mood to fight tonight. Like a battered fighter, I feel only a half alive.

I know it’s harsh to hang up on Ben like that, but this time it’s really needed to avoid the riot from rising. I can’t believe we put up a fight in grocery, by phone, like this. Three times a day? What were we thinking? Fighting became some kinda habit now. For several moments, I’m just standing still by my shopping cart, giving myself time to readjust the circumstance.

“Lovers’ fight, huh? Young people are really cute!” That voice comes suddenly from my back.

“Excuse me??” I turn around to see who’s speaking.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hear, but I can’t help it. You’re standing exactly in front of this”, he’s hovering his hand to the peanut butter shelf, “I can’t but have to wait you finished the call. Just want to be appropriate.” That old guy, probably 50, paid me a bow afterward. He’s weird, that’s the first thing that came to my mind. Dressed like a sort of painter with his beret and his vest, he looks just like an Italian with too much tan. His speech is a well-controlled one, slow and calm. His tone is soft and decent, and he looks friendly too. That guy steps forward with his shopping cart and then smiles. From his smile, I know that he didn’t mean to mock me. But something about this guy really gets into me right away. I can’t tell if it’s his face or his way of talking. But something about him makes me feel like I’ve known him for years.

“Oh, it’s okay. My bad actually. I didn’t know you were there.” I pretend to be calm.

“I heard but didn’t listen. If that’s what you want to hear from me.” He’s trying to reach for the butters, so I move backward to give him some space. I can’t help thinking in my heart that he looks just like somebody I knew dearly. It’s just I can’t tell who. He takes two bottles of the butters and then looks at me. “Do you like them too?”

“What?”

“These peanut butters.”

“Owh… No. No, not really. I never had breakfast actually. I skip it till ten so I can have my brunch. You know, breakfast-lunch hahaha…” I laugh, but he doesn’t.

“Oh, such a bad luck, young lady! Such a bad luck! Breakfast is sacred. You’re not supposed to skip it.” He frowns and then, at a glance, he sneaks a peek to my shopping cart and smiles. “You don’t seem to eat much, do you? I doubt that you can even reach 40 with that kind of stuff.”

“Well, I don’t cook so I don’t have to fill up my fridge with something I can’t use.” I reply.

“You don’t like breakfast, you don’t eat much, and you don’t cook. Are you sure you’re human?” He shakes a bottle of fresh milk in a shelf next to the butters and put it in his cart. He looks at me again. “Well, it’s okay if you don’t eat much. But never skip breakfast. That’s a big sin since breakfast is sacred. You better believe me in this.”

“Sacred? Do you mean like in The Ten Commandments?”

“Oh, young lady, this is no joke. Do I look like I’m joking? Why you young people always take everything for granted? You don’t know anything about your own body. Are you afraid breakfast will make you fat? Well, I’m telling you now, young lady, having breakfast will never make you fat. Skipping it will do.”

“It’s Maxine. You can call me Maxine. Or just Max to be simple.” I can’t help introducing myself.

“Oh, such a beautiful name. Nice to meet you, Maxine.” He shakes my hands. “And you can call me Teddy. It’s not my real name though.”

“Excuse me??”

“Well, you can call me whatever you want.”

WHAT? Not even his real name? Why would he introduce me that anyway? I’m thinking in my heart.

“I’m sorry, I don’t get it.” I give him my puzzled look.

“I know you don’t. And you will never do.” He laughs so hard.

“Is it a joke? Coz I think I failed to catch it.”

“Hahaha… If you think so.” He looks deeply into my eyes and suddenly I feel an uncomfortable silence stretched between us. After five seconds of those awkward moments, he drags his cart to the cashier and leaves me behind. I’m still standing inanely, don’t know what to do. This guy came just like that, and now he’s leaving just like that. I really need time to comprehend what just happened.

I watch him moves away down the aisle. And then, somewhere in between, he looks back to me. “Hey, Maxine, do you have time? I’m done shopping and about to have a cup of coffee. Care to share an hour with me?”

What a weird old guy, first he told me about his fake name, and now he asked me for a coffee? What was he thinking?

“Common, just a coffee. Nothing more! What do you say?”

No, you have to answer no! Something is not right with this old man; my clear conscience promptly warns me. He doesn’t look like a man with good will. Don’t be fooled by his nice old face. He could’ve been a robber, or a serial killer, or a rapist, or worse, an old pervert who’s trying to drug you to bed.

Never trust a stranger, Max, NEVER!!! You better be careful; my mind keeps alerting me. But my curiosity urges me to take the other option. This old man is quite attractive with his weird smile, ambiguous intentions, and enigmatic look. Something about him really gets into me. I feel like I’ve known him somewhere before. And even I don’t say anything, I can’t help my feet from bringing me closer to him. He leads the way and I follow behind.

After paying for our groceries he shows me a nearby coffee shop across the street. Even I went to this grocery often, I never knew that this coffee shop existed before. May be the adjacent Mall has overshadowed it all this time. Well, in this huge jungle of concrete, to be standing out, size does matter.

While we’re crossing the street he tells me about buildings and architecture. He says that he’s an architect, even a famous one. But since I’m not conversant with architecture and I doubt he’s even an honest person, I just thinking that he was bluffing. Well, he crossed me once over that fake name, why should I trust him now?

“There, can you see that white concrete wall over there? That’s the entrance.” He points out a small white building at the corner of the street. I follow his finger and find a building fits the description. For me, the building is quite okay actually, but if I have to take his story for true, I was expecting to find something more. He looks so enthusiast about taking me there. He says that this coffee shop is the best one in town. He admits that he used to go there a lot, just not anymore for some reasons. I had so many memories in there, some are happy some are sad; said he. I just nod my head to show that I was listening, but I don’t dare to ask any further questions. His past is none of my business anyway.

We get there around 10 and the place is a half full. The coffee shop is a bit small, but the interior is quite bold. The moment I set my steps inside, I feel like I’m being sent to a different time and space. Each details is a mixture between poignancy and divine beauty. It feels like there’s a tranquility and hidden rage at the same time; a great sweep of emotion, moving and daring. I am drowned in my amazement about this place that I don’t notice when he takes my hand and hold it.

“You’re so beautiful, do you know that?”

“Who?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m talking about this place of course.”

“Owh… yeah of course. This is truly something, man.” I can’t hide my blushing face.

“Okay then, why don’t we take a seat before people start to think that we’re one of the sculptures here hahaha…” Again, he laughs. But this time harder!

“Yeah… yeah….”

And in that peculiar moment, I realize that he’s actually been holding my hand. I feel like I’m blushed again, this time for no reason at all.

He takes me to a corner table and opens a seat for me. And just so happens, I start to like being here with him; a stranger from 15 minutes ago whose name I don’t even know. I know this may sound so crazy but I think I like him. I never did something like this before. And the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I must have lost my mind.

“What do you like best from this place?” He asks while he sipping his latte.

“Do you mean, architecturally? Or what?”

“Anything. Just the first thing that crosses your mind.”

“Well, since I’m not conversant with architecture and no one asked me something like this before, I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say something that you don’t know. Only idiots that speak up something they don’t understand. Architecture is in the law of nature, Max. Everybody speaks architecture whether they realize it or not. As long as you’re still a citizen of the world, you’re speaking architecture just like the rest of us. I believe you have something in your mind. The moment you were amazed back then shows how you understand something about this place.”

“Well, yeah sort of. But I can’t really put it in words. I was just moved, can’t say more. These concretes seem like being in a play or something. They just speak something that touches my heart.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saying that?”

“Why?”

“I draw her from the scratch.”

“Hahaha… you wish!”

“Didn’t I tell you that I’m a big name in architecture?”

“You know what, I don’t buy it anymore. Common man, why lying?”

“Why would I lie?”

“Hello… You’ve crossed me once about your name. Why should I trust you now?”

“Because I’m telling you the truth now.”

“Why didn’t you back then?”

“Well, it’s just a matter of choices, Max. I chose not to be involved too deep with someone I just met. Telling you my name will leave a trace in your mind about me. Someday, somehow, somewhere in the future, you will remember me. And you know what, memories can cause love, and love kills.”

“Wow… hold it there, man. Don’t flatter yourself coz I don’t care any bit of you.”

“Trust me, I am old enough to understand what I was saying.”

“Look, Sir, just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re God. I don’t know what’s your point, but I had enough. This conversation just wasting my time. I made mistake by coming here. I’m sorry, didn’t mean to be rude. Bye!”

“Are you afraid of me?” He laughs and appeared to be so enjoying my frightening face. “I wasn’t talk about you in particular, okay. It’s just what will happen with people, I mean generally.You know what, Max, if I ever had any bad intention upon you, we would end up on my bed right now. But instead, I took you here, among these people, in this nice incredible place. What makes you think that I will do you any harm? Okay, actually it was a dare I made with myself back then. I was thinking that if I can make you telling me your name, I will take you here. This is just a simple kindness from me to you. I love this place and I think she is precious, so I would love to share it with you.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know. I saw you so battered back then in the grocery. And just so happens I feel so compassionate about you. May be it’s because I simply believe that love can happen anywhere, anytime, anyhow.”

“Okay, I can see where this conversation’s going. Thanks for coffee and don’t bother to pay, I had my cup handled.” I’m about to rise from my seat when he suddenly turns into a serious tone.

“Do you think I was trying to harass you?”

“Do you think I can have anything better to think of?”

“Oh yeah, of course you can. In matter of fact, you should! I can’t see why you have to feel so offended anyway. I don’t remember I’ve done anything inappropriate to you. You young people are pretty uptight. You take everything so seriously. I was just trying to be nice. What upset you the most?”

“Being nice, eh? First you lied about your name, second you accused me to be in love with you, and now you said I’m an uptight person? Now define nice!!”

“Okay, let me ask you something. If you really think that I’m a bad person, why would you come?”

“I don’t know. I think I’ve lost my mind.”

“You know, Max, I think you’re in denial right now. You deny something that is so true about yourself and your being as a pure human. You deny that you can fall in love anywhere, anytime, anyhow, and with anyone.”

“Jeez, don’t be a smart ass too, please, you’re too much for a person to hate now.” Weird, I don’t feel like I’m mad at him anymore.

“You’re having too much on bad TV and magazines, Max. You young people learn just way too much and it makes you uneasy with strangers. Don’t you know that learning too much will make you dumb? It makes you forget how to live.”

“We’re having a generation gap, Mister. Don’t you dare saying something like that to me! You don’t have any idea how it feels to be a young girl today.”

“Tell me, which thing that I said was wrong? You young people don’t know what you’re doing. You learn too much, not how to live but how to make living. You want to be loved but never try to love. Let’s see it in a broader view, if everyone thinks the way you think, I mean everyone wants to be loved, then who’s left to love us?”

“Funny, I can’t see any ring in your fingers. And now you’re lecturing me on love? Are you throwing me another joke now?”

“Hahaha… I never thought you notice.”

“How old are you again?”

“I didn’t tell.”

“Okay, how old are you?”

“I am 53, going on 54…” He’s singing one of the original soundtracks from The Sounds of Music. That proves to me what generation he’s really from.

“Never married?”

“I’d prefer not to tell.” He smiles again, but in a bit poignant way.

“Okay, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business anyway.”

“Easy, I don’t mind. You’re not the first person that asked me that. Ha-ha.” He smiles, but his eyes don’t.

The awkwardness surrounds us. Not even a joke could break it.

“How about you, Max? Will you marry that guy in the phone?”

“Well, I don’t know. I love him and we’ve been together for 5 years now. But still I can’t tell if he’s the one. And we fight too much lately. Just feel not right.”

“What hesitate you?”

“A fear that I will make a wrong decision. I think I’m waiting for the sign.”

“Of what?”

“A sign to move to the next phase.”

“And then what? Wait for the next sign again? I think it’s bullshit!”

“Excuse me, Mister, but I think you have no right to judge what I should believe.”

“I’ve been living for almost 54 years, Max, and I’m telling you from those of 54 years, 80% was about pain, hardship, and labor. Heeding the signs will never change this fact. Why wasting your time waiting for them?”

“At least they make me sure that I’m doing the right thing. I can’t do something that I can’t be sure of.”

“See, you’ve learn too much that makes you lost your confident on yourself. It’s weird, the more educated the people are, the harder they believe in something. They become so fixed and stiff. Dumb!!”

“And I guess you’re just too genius that you think lying is just another kind of virtue.”

“Hahaha… I like you Max, you know good jokes. Okay I’m sorry about that Teddy name. But I confessed that right away, didn’t I? It should make me sinless coz I didn’t deceive you or cause you any harm. Teddy is not my real name, indeed. But I had no intention to fool you. You can call me Teddy, or Bob, or Tom, or whatever you feel like it. It doesn’t matter to me. We’re not gonna meet again. So let’s not make any bound or trace about this meeting. Sooner or later, it will come and get us. Break us down inside.”

“You’re a weird old guy. And it’s just a bad, bad, bad combination!”

“I might be weird, but I’m true. You know, being old makes me realize that we’re nothing from the beginning to the end. In the ancient time people lived until they became really old. Do you read Bible? You must know Methuselah, he reached 900. Can you imagine how it feels to live until 900 years? I bet it would make you feel as if you’re immortal somehow. They’re still having sex and madking children even after they’re 200 years old, can you believe that? Geez, 54 is nothing. It may be just I blink of an eye for them. And it makes me feel so young in my 54 hahaha…”

“You’re disgusting, you know!”

“Again, disgusting but true, hahaha… Common, don’t you agree with me? We learn too much, but not about the most important thing. After 2000 years, look what we’ve got. NOTHIN! We even hardly reach a hundred. We learn, but not about the truth. For me, the truth is never about something big. Instead it always comes in a way of modest yet beautiful thing.” He looks at me again, trying to find an approval in my eyes. I feel so transparent, like he can see through me. It’s so torturing and yet relieving. I can’t stand this situation, so I just look at his cup and wait for him to carry on. I’m so afraid he would find what he’s been looking for in me.

I think I am in a real denial right now. But I’ll stay this way coz letting myself carried away means letting him know that I have fallen for him which I do realize so unbelievably insane.

I can feel his eyes aiming at mine, and it’s as if there’s a black hole ready to swallow me anytime soon.

“I know what’s you’re thinking rite now”, he broke my last defense.

“Oh really? Pray tell.”

“Sure, I would love to, your eyes just gave away. But you know what, something tells me that you would lie even if I could tell you your thoughts. Let me tell you something, and this is for your own good. Your way of thinking isn’t simple, and it makes you so vulnerable with lying. One thing from the truth that can never be outdone by anything else in this world is probably its simplicity. Have you ever heard anything true that is too hard to comprehend? Well, some might be too hard to accept, but it’s never too hard to understand. It is so amazing to realize that the truth always comes as a simple thing yet never fails to catch the ears that hear it. The truth never bluff about vanity or pride, or anything that doesn’t belong to itself. It strives to bear a humble skin just to maintain its self as it was. No more, no less. Otherwise, it’s no longer the truth anymore.”

“Okay.” I play my coffee cup to hide my anxiety.

“I don’t mean to judge, but people nowadays learn too much about love. They attempted to create a manufactured feeling about love. Isn’t it crazy? In the old times, falling in love is not as hard as today. I miss the ancient feeling that creates sparks between man and woman. We used to love because man and woman are different. They’re too different that falling in love is almost inevitable.”

“Okay…”

“Isn’t it beautiful, we can falling in love without feeling so guilty and stupid? Everything is so in the law of nature. We live in peace, even with ourselves.”

“Okay…”

“If I may add, the problem with young people today is they became so similar one to another. I mean, men and women are not so different anymore. Men turn to be so pesky, dandy, demanding, and soft. While women try to prove that they’re just as strong, as rough, as harsh as men. At one point, they finally became a similar being. They’re just in the physical differences away. That’s the problem, a similar thing cannot complete each other.”

“Okay, what is your point?”

“If you love that man in the phone, you have to accept that he’s different and he can’t serve your expectation about a perfect guy you wish to have. It’s not fair to him. The truth about love is acceptance. It’s not such a hard thing to comprehend. And you don’t have to be a genius to understand that.”

“Okay… okay… I got it. Just please, don’t do this again. Don’t read my mind. Don’t ever get that close. You’re killing me!”

“Read what? The only thing I can read is your eyes.”

“Swear to God, you’re not lying this time!”

“I can’t swear to God, but I am not lying. Common, don’t tell me that you believed in everything I told you. Or do you?”

He laughs again so hard because I think my eyes just cannot lie. It’s hard not to believe him even I’ve tried. He must have cast me some spells.

“Look, I’m sorry okay…”

“For what?”

“For accusing you a liar and a pervert. I just feel so terrible…”

“I can live with that hahaha…”

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“If I had been told your real name, I wouldn’t be able to forget you since I think I start to like you.”

“Oh well, my dear Maxine, love happens when you least expect it. And thank you, I really appreciate that.”

He finished his latte and went up to the stage right away. He sang a song for me before we ended our unplanned meeting that night. I still can’t remember what is exactly that made me feel like I knew him for years, but I could never forget the way that old man came and touched my life. I was changed and I think that’s what an encounter could do on two strangers whose paths got crossed. I was trying to look for him after that night, but he left no trace. The coffee shop was registered under an unnamed designer. And the management told me that it was a part of the business policy. That old man come and go just like that. But he was right, if only he had told me his real name, I would be drowned in a remembrance of him by now. Memory can cause love, and love kills…

When I write for this second entry, there’s one big question which keeps on bubbling inside and it’s so hard not to write it down here. I don’t want to make this becomes personal, but I guess I have to share this all with you.

I always take everything as a new challenge, and when I decided to participate in this competition I also felt it that way. Writing my blog for years has turned this activity into a need, for me particularly. But I never really wrote for anyone before. I only wrote for my self. So this time, when I join Kompetiblog, I was wondering, can I write something that is not only enjoyable to read but also insightful for others? Or in other words, ‘I want to make a writing to be a perfect answer where readers can find whatever they want to find in there.’

I know it sounds pretty much like I’m overrating things, coz writing a blog is supposed to be fun. It’s not like I have to write a Bible, lol. But I really wanted to write a short writing which can deal with many questions; if not all.

I’m not trying to sound too ambitious here, but I really took this competition that serious. Well, who doesn’t? Everyone who participates in this competition have the same idea like mine: we want to win. But then how far this desire can make me and my readers have a mutual good impact? That’s the question that I don’t think I have the answer right now.

A friend who read my first posting told me that he can’t really enjoy my writing coz every crack seems to be sealed and it gives no room for questions to pop up. And it’s quite disturbing for him as he said, “Your writing is not for somebody like me coz your writing has no suspense. You closed almost all the possibilities to raise the question. And it’s not fun!”

At first, I thought he was just teasing me. But later I realize that he might be right. When I was writing my first posting, a craving for a perfect answer was the only thing that I have in my head. I thought by serving my readers with all the answers that I have, I have served them a good thing; as if they’ were asking me those questions; as if they need me to answer them too.

But they were not. They never even asked me anything anyway. Thus, I’m not sure that my so-called-perfect-answer can do them any good here. And it just makes me feel a bit stupid coz I think I have overrated a small thing  and missed the big one.

Well, talking about perfect answer, I’m wondering now, what is perfect answer anyway?

Is there such thing as perfect answer in this world?

I remember, when I was a little girl, I broke one of my mom’s crystal collections. It was an accident actually, but I knew my mom wouldn’t be happy with it. My mom, like any other moms out there, wouldn’t be nice when they’re mad. And it’s really freaking me out. There’s no witness when the accident happened, so I think I could just play innocent to save my life, lol. Well, I did prepare myself with perfect alibi and perfect answer to escape from the gaol. But unlucky me, my mother cannot be deceived just like that. When she’s interrogating all of us, her children, she found me guilty easily. And you know what, she knew it because my answer was the most perfect one.

I admit that perfection is a temptation that is so hard to resist. Everyone just wants to be perfect coz it’s the highest bar that we can reach. Even if it’s impossible, we always try to, at least, get close to it. I don’t know, it’s like a drive which comes subconsciously out of ourselves. And it, too, happened when I decided to join this competition. I realized in order to win I have to know how to convince people to choose me. And to convince people, I have to know the perfect answer they all want to hear; things which can meet their expectations. But if such answer exists, then we’re all supposed to come up with the same answer; same writings. But we are not. We come up with our own points and concerns. We expound different things and it’s actually what makes us unique one to another. We’re all different and we can’t change this fact. And based on this ground, I come to realize that there’s no such thing as perfect answer!

Yeah, there’s no such thing as perfect answer in this world. The only perfect answer that we can get is only a lie; just like what my mom found in me when I lied about her crystal collection. I guess every human is equipped with this natural instinct. You knew right away when somebody’s not being honest with you, and it’s from their answer. This is no superstitious or hunches, this is logical. When we live in an imperfect world, we subconsciously will get used to believe in something imperfect. I didn’t imply that we lower our expectation, but when something is too perfect to be true, it only raises a doubt and questions about its legitimate truth. And I don’t think this is what we’ve been looking for in perfection.

I have to say that joining this competition has given me a quite lesson to learn. The theme of this competition itself reflects so much about the ideas it wants to say. Education and global world are both not perfect things which require perfect answer to make it happens. But it doesn’t mean that we can take them for granted. They’re truly an important means to help us to see the cracks, to raise the questions, and to address the issues about things that really happens in our imperfect world. They’re a means which generates our open-mindedness and willingness to take risks, a clear focus on long-term aims on understanding of mutual benefits, a capacity to work with local distinctiveness and to find a strength in apparent weakness, and a willingness to listen and to learn. And I think  these are what we’re trying to do right now. We’re having our global world building on, and it’s thru this exchanging ideas and our goodwill to take part.

Okay, now the last question remains, “Why Netherland?”

Well, I guess I have said a lot in my first entry. But if I could make it short, I would say that it’s just a matter of taking chances, and it’s the real suspense now ^_^

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Ps: fiuh… finally I made it. I might fail to post three entries, as I planned, but at least I made it two. Wish you could enjoy it more this time ^_^

What would you call it; a world that is so simple and yet very sophisticated. A world, in where everybody talks in their language and yet they understand each other well. A world, where you are not just numbers in statistic, coz being one among thousands who’s been there before you, you still can see your existence so significant to others. A world, in where you can feel yourselves mostly as yourselves, and not just a representation of a group or some sort of classifications you are in. That’s a world, in where your imaginations were given wings and allowed to fly as high as they can be; a place that I would call Utopia.

Well, that was just a name that I think aptly to be used concerning the colloquial expression that I’m conversant with. But, I have to admit that I’m not the first person who invented this idea. A great playwright, named J. M. Barrie, discovered a world just like that on December 1904 when he brought a whole and truly magical world of Neverland on London stage for the first time. That play’s then well known as ‘Peter Pan’ or ‘The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up’. It became such a history in children’s literature and even became an emblem of ‘utopia’ as Disney animation revisited it in 1952. I grew up listening to that story and watched them played on TV every weekend. I guess many children in my generation did the same thing too. Since the very beginning we were convinced and made believe that Neverland existed. And so, as a little girl, I did.

Well, that was until I watched ‘Finding Neverland’ on 2004.

Finding Neverland, for me, is like a scratch on the surface that cracks up the whole cube. It has turned around the whole things about Neverland that I used to believe. I think it’s one of a few great movies that leave a deep impression in me. It’s a door which leads me to a different side of the story which I thought never existed before.

I did read a couple articles about J. M. Barrie’s biography. And having read them, I come to realize that what I once thought a creation of a beautiful mind is actually a death watch of a grownup who never wanted to grow at all. Yeah, Neverland, in reality, has never been an idea about happiness. Instead, it was an alternate reality which J. M. Barrie created to escape from his twisted childhood, his unhappy life as an adult, and his inability to cope with his present times. It’s sad, but he’s so great that he could turn all his heartbreaks and sorrows into one amazing idea about a wonderful world full of joy. By finding Neverland J. M. Barrie found the only thing that he ever wanted to find in his life. And, I guess, that’s the only thing that matters for him.

When I was writing this, it crossed to my mind that we’re basically share the same idea that Mr. Barrie had. The only thing that could make us work our sweat out is the thing that really matters to us; that’s the law of attraction. One way or another, we will find a way to make it through. And if Mr. Barrie found his Neverland after meeting the Llewelyn Davies’ boys, I found a Neverland in a short email, one evening, about a month ago; an email which offered me an opportunity to have a two-weeks-summer course in Netherland.

Yes, I would call it a Neverland because this opportunity will surely give me a chance to have a broader experience and even a broader connection to a global world I’ve never seen before. I mean, who doesn’t know Netherland? This small country is not just well known because of its soccer team, or its windmills and tulips or those other tourism stuff. This small country is already one step ahead in many fields, compared with other countries double or triple its size. And it’s been rumored that people in this country had the smallest gap in their annual income which makes it becomes one of the most prosperous countries in the world. Well, this surely means something for a small country like Netherland.

And if it happened that you’re interested in history, you would notice that during the World War I Netherland is one of a few European countries that remained neutral. Even it’s an ally of the UK by treaty, it still traded with both sides. And may be this is what makes it trustworthy to host five international courts which could not be found anywhere else around the globe. This country is also a founder and member in many of world’s powerful organizations which give it not only a link, but also a chance to take part into world’s significant turns. It’s not to mention that as a non-English-speaking country, Netherland has more than 75% of its population speak English fluently. Man, it’s really quite a feature in such a small country which supposedly drowned under the water.

As for me, somebody who studies architecture and falls in love with history and literature, the history is still my biggest interest. I can’t but saying that Netherland, like other European countries, has more than just scenery inside their cities. As a space and also a place, their cities deserve to be called beautiful. They’re beautiful because they have history, and they know how to preserve that treasure. History is a value which furnishes what money or even the magic wand of architecture can’t do. And it’s a charm that can only be attained by enduring the tests of the time; a charm which represents the wisdom added up to its beauty.

I remember, it was one evening in March, when a friend of mine told me about the city of Maastricht. And like a love at the first sight, I fell into it right away. I searched in the net about the city and I read many books that relate to that name. Eventually I did find many interesting facts about the city, but I guess nothing can beat the feeling if I could witness the city by myself.

It is believed that Maastricht is the oldest city in Netherland. But as I can read from the net, it is also now a center of tradition, history, and culture. Various educational institutions were established there. People from both hemispheres flocked around to admire the city, or to learn the wisdom of the time, or simply to behold what the old days have left for us. And it’s such a beautiful thing to see. In Indonesia, things like this are almost like a dream of a daydreamer. Things from the past barely can withstand the present time, and it’s been going on for years in many places. Well, particularly in Bandung, a place where I’m living right now. It’s a sad fact coz it seems as if it’s inevitable; while it’s not! I think losing the past is like losing a huge part of your self. And nothing could be more tragical than to lose your self deliberately. Going to see Netherland, I believe can teach me something that I do not get at school. And I believe it takes more than brains to cope with it; it takes heart to insist something that we shall not lose.

I know, in modern days like today, you don’t have to travel around the globe to see everything. Coz everything is so close that it only takes a few clicks away to get you anywhere you like. Chat rooms, social networking sites, or even Google give us more than just a large window to see the world. But virtual world is not a Neverland I have in my mind. For me, the joy of learning is to experience the learning itself. And to experience the learning, I have to go and do it by myself. That’s how I define the reality of Neverland.

In Mr. Barrie’s Neverland the magic might happen, but it’s only when the fairy dusts land on the ground. And the miracles might come true, but as long as somebody still believes in it. In reality, fairy dusts won’t works, and miracles don’t relate with magic. We create our own Neverland not to escape from our miseries or to laugh away the sarcastic jokes of our everyday lives. Instead, it’s there to help us to be in touch with the real issues we’re supposed to handle. It’s a way to join the global community on creating a better world where everyone can find their place in it.

I have no other desire than to find the real Netherland when I decided to join this competition. And it’s still the only thing that I have in my head when I work on this writing. It’s more than a motivation for me; it becomes a temptation now. Coz to witness the wonder of Netherland with my own eyes is to experience the joy of learning itself, and it’s the only thing that matters to me.

Just like Mr. Barrie told Peter to believe, if he wanted to find Neverland, and so I wish this short writing could be my first step to find Netherland; a place which I believe could offer me an opportunity to see Neverland in my own version.

I hate this. I hate this situation. I don’t know how to adjust new circumstances when I feel so used with the old one. Why I’m always one step behind the present time? It makes me feel like I do not exist. I am just a shadow from the past. I am a shadow for my own life. But that’s me. I stay. I will always stay until something forces me to move on. And once I moved, I never go back.

Argh, I cannot put this into words. I don’t know how. I think I’m facing the beginning of another phase in my life, but I’m still not sure whether or not I can leave the old one behind. May be I’m too attached to it and get scared that I cannot go back once I left it. There’s something about the past that I’m not ready to give up. But I cannot hold this very moment to last forever either.

Argh, why it always has to be this hard?