“Okay, I’ll see if I can make it…….
No, it’s not like that.
Don’t you listen???
Oh, common Ben……
No!! I didn’t say I don’t want it. I just can’t make it this week!!
What??? No… What guy?
No guy!! Dammit, don’t you dare saying that to me!!!
Hey, I’ve listened, now your turn!!
Dammit, Ben, this is our third fight today, aren’t you tired?
I have to hang you up now…
Bye Ben… Save your battery!!”
I can hear Ben’s still yelling at the other end of my phone but I turn my cell off anyway. I can’t stand these arguments anymore. I detach the battery to make a double sure that he won’t be able to reach me now. It was a dead silence in my ears for a couple seconds, and then subtly the noise from the grocery fills me up. It gives me a sort feeling like I just landed from an outer-space journey; back to earth with its gravity. Somehow, it’s such a relief. I don’t care what Ben would feel, I’m just not in the mood to fight tonight. Like a battered fighter, I feel only a half alive.
I know it’s harsh to hang up on Ben like that, but this time it’s really needed to avoid the riot from rising. I can’t believe we put up a fight in grocery, by phone, like this. Three times a day? What were we thinking? Fighting became some kinda habit now. For several moments, I’m just standing still by my shopping cart, giving myself time to readjust the circumstance.
“Lovers’ fight, huh? Young people are really cute!” That voice comes suddenly from my back.
“Excuse me??” I turn around to see who’s speaking.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hear, but I can’t help it. You’re standing exactly in front of this”, he’s hovering his hand to the peanut butter shelf, “I can’t but have to wait you finished the call. Just want to be appropriate.” That old guy, probably 50, paid me a bow afterward. He’s weird, that’s the first thing that came to my mind. Dressed like a sort of painter with his beret and his vest, he looks just like an Italian with too much tan. His speech is a well-controlled one, slow and calm. His tone is soft and decent, and he looks friendly too. That guy steps forward with his shopping cart and then smiles. From his smile, I know that he didn’t mean to mock me. But something about this guy really gets into me right away. I can’t tell if it’s his face or his way of talking. But something about him makes me feel like I’ve known him for years.
“Oh, it’s okay. My bad actually. I didn’t know you were there.” I pretend to be calm.
“I heard but didn’t listen. If that’s what you want to hear from me.” He’s trying to reach for the butters, so I move backward to give him some space. I can’t help thinking in my heart that he looks just like somebody I knew dearly. It’s just I can’t tell who. He takes two bottles of the butters and then looks at me. “Do you like them too?”
“What?”
“These peanut butters.”
“Owh… No. No, not really. I never had breakfast actually. I skip it till ten so I can have my brunch. You know, breakfast-lunch hahaha…” I laugh, but he doesn’t.
“Oh, such a bad luck, young lady! Such a bad luck! Breakfast is sacred. You’re not supposed to skip it.” He frowns and then, at a glance, he sneaks a peek to my shopping cart and smiles. “You don’t seem to eat much, do you? I doubt that you can even reach 40 with that kind of stuff.”
“Well, I don’t cook so I don’t have to fill up my fridge with something I can’t use.” I reply.
“You don’t like breakfast, you don’t eat much, and you don’t cook. Are you sure you’re human?” He shakes a bottle of fresh milk in a shelf next to the butters and put it in his cart. He looks at me again. “Well, it’s okay if you don’t eat much. But never skip breakfast. That’s a big sin since breakfast is sacred. You better believe me in this.”
“Sacred? Do you mean like in The Ten Commandments?”
“Oh, young lady, this is no joke. Do I look like I’m joking? Why you young people always take everything for granted? You don’t know anything about your own body. Are you afraid breakfast will make you fat? Well, I’m telling you now, young lady, having breakfast will never make you fat. Skipping it will do.”
“It’s Maxine. You can call me Maxine. Or just Max to be simple.” I can’t help introducing myself.
“Oh, such a beautiful name. Nice to meet you, Maxine.” He shakes my hands. “And you can call me Teddy. It’s not my real name though.”
“Excuse me??”
“Well, you can call me whatever you want.”
WHAT? Not even his real name? Why would he introduce me that anyway? I’m thinking in my heart.
“I’m sorry, I don’t get it.” I give him my puzzled look.
“I know you don’t. And you will never do.” He laughs so hard.
“Is it a joke? Coz I think I failed to catch it.”
“Hahaha… If you think so.” He looks deeply into my eyes and suddenly I feel an uncomfortable silence stretched between us. After five seconds of those awkward moments, he drags his cart to the cashier and leaves me behind. I’m still standing inanely, don’t know what to do. This guy came just like that, and now he’s leaving just like that. I really need time to comprehend what just happened.
I watch him moves away down the aisle. And then, somewhere in between, he looks back to me. “Hey, Maxine, do you have time? I’m done shopping and about to have a cup of coffee. Care to share an hour with me?”
What a weird old guy, first he told me about his fake name, and now he asked me for a coffee? What was he thinking?
“Common, just a coffee. Nothing more! What do you say?”
No, you have to answer no! Something is not right with this old man; my clear conscience promptly warns me. He doesn’t look like a man with good will. Don’t be fooled by his nice old face. He could’ve been a robber, or a serial killer, or a rapist, or worse, an old pervert who’s trying to drug you to bed.
Never trust a stranger, Max, NEVER!!! You better be careful; my mind keeps alerting me. But my curiosity urges me to take the other option. This old man is quite attractive with his weird smile, ambiguous intentions, and enigmatic look. Something about him really gets into me. I feel like I’ve known him somewhere before. And even I don’t say anything, I can’t help my feet from bringing me closer to him. He leads the way and I follow behind.
After paying for our groceries he shows me a nearby coffee shop across the street. Even I went to this grocery often, I never knew that this coffee shop existed before. May be the adjacent Mall has overshadowed it all this time. Well, in this huge jungle of concrete, to be standing out, size does matter.
While we’re crossing the street he tells me about buildings and architecture. He says that he’s an architect, even a famous one. But since I’m not conversant with architecture and I doubt he’s even an honest person, I just thinking that he was bluffing. Well, he crossed me once over that fake name, why should I trust him now?
“There, can you see that white concrete wall over there? That’s the entrance.” He points out a small white building at the corner of the street. I follow his finger and find a building fits the description. For me, the building is quite okay actually, but if I have to take his story for true, I was expecting to find something more. He looks so enthusiast about taking me there. He says that this coffee shop is the best one in town. He admits that he used to go there a lot, just not anymore for some reasons. I had so many memories in there, some are happy some are sad; said he. I just nod my head to show that I was listening, but I don’t dare to ask any further questions. His past is none of my business anyway.
We get there around 10 and the place is a half full. The coffee shop is a bit small, but the interior is quite bold. The moment I set my steps inside, I feel like I’m being sent to a different time and space. Each details is a mixture between poignancy and divine beauty. It feels like there’s a tranquility and hidden rage at the same time; a great sweep of emotion, moving and daring. I am drowned in my amazement about this place that I don’t notice when he takes my hand and hold it.
“You’re so beautiful, do you know that?”
“Who?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m talking about this place of course.”
“Owh… yeah of course. This is truly something, man.” I can’t hide my blushing face.
“Okay then, why don’t we take a seat before people start to think that we’re one of the sculptures here hahaha…” Again, he laughs. But this time harder!
“Yeah… yeah….”
And in that peculiar moment, I realize that he’s actually been holding my hand. I feel like I’m blushed again, this time for no reason at all.
He takes me to a corner table and opens a seat for me. And just so happens, I start to like being here with him; a stranger from 15 minutes ago whose name I don’t even know. I know this may sound so crazy but I think I like him. I never did something like this before. And the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that I must have lost my mind.
“What do you like best from this place?” He asks while he sipping his latte.
“Do you mean, architecturally? Or what?”
“Anything. Just the first thing that crosses your mind.”
“Well, since I’m not conversant with architecture and no one asked me something like this before, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say something that you don’t know. Only idiots that speak up something they don’t understand. Architecture is in the law of nature, Max. Everybody speaks architecture whether they realize it or not. As long as you’re still a citizen of the world, you’re speaking architecture just like the rest of us. I believe you have something in your mind. The moment you were amazed back then shows how you understand something about this place.”
“Well, yeah sort of. But I can’t really put it in words. I was just moved, can’t say more. These concretes seem like being in a play or something. They just speak something that touches my heart.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For saying that?”
“Why?”
“I draw her from the scratch.”
“Hahaha… you wish!”
“Didn’t I tell you that I’m a big name in architecture?”
“You know what, I don’t buy it anymore. Common man, why lying?”
“Why would I lie?”
“Hello… You’ve crossed me once about your name. Why should I trust you now?”
“Because I’m telling you the truth now.”
“Why didn’t you back then?”
“Well, it’s just a matter of choices, Max. I chose not to be involved too deep with someone I just met. Telling you my name will leave a trace in your mind about me. Someday, somehow, somewhere in the future, you will remember me. And you know what, memories can cause love, and love kills.”
“Wow… hold it there, man. Don’t flatter yourself coz I don’t care any bit of you.”
“Trust me, I am old enough to understand what I was saying.”
“Look, Sir, just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re God. I don’t know what’s your point, but I had enough. This conversation just wasting my time. I made mistake by coming here. I’m sorry, didn’t mean to be rude. Bye!”
“Are you afraid of me?” He laughs and appeared to be so enjoying my frightening face. “I wasn’t talk about you in particular, okay. It’s just what will happen with people, I mean generally.You know what, Max, if I ever had any bad intention upon you, we would end up on my bed right now. But instead, I took you here, among these people, in this nice incredible place. What makes you think that I will do you any harm? Okay, actually it was a dare I made with myself back then. I was thinking that if I can make you telling me your name, I will take you here. This is just a simple kindness from me to you. I love this place and I think she is precious, so I would love to share it with you.”
“Why me?”
“I don’t know. I saw you so battered back then in the grocery. And just so happens I feel so compassionate about you. May be it’s because I simply believe that love can happen anywhere, anytime, anyhow.”
“Okay, I can see where this conversation’s going. Thanks for coffee and don’t bother to pay, I had my cup handled.” I’m about to rise from my seat when he suddenly turns into a serious tone.
“Do you think I was trying to harass you?”
“Do you think I can have anything better to think of?”
“Oh yeah, of course you can. In matter of fact, you should! I can’t see why you have to feel so offended anyway. I don’t remember I’ve done anything inappropriate to you. You young people are pretty uptight. You take everything so seriously. I was just trying to be nice. What upset you the most?”
“Being nice, eh? First you lied about your name, second you accused me to be in love with you, and now you said I’m an uptight person? Now define nice!!”
“Okay, let me ask you something. If you really think that I’m a bad person, why would you come?”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve lost my mind.”
“You know, Max, I think you’re in denial right now. You deny something that is so true about yourself and your being as a pure human. You deny that you can fall in love anywhere, anytime, anyhow, and with anyone.”
“Jeez, don’t be a smart ass too, please, you’re too much for a person to hate now.” Weird, I don’t feel like I’m mad at him anymore.
“You’re having too much on bad TV and magazines, Max. You young people learn just way too much and it makes you uneasy with strangers. Don’t you know that learning too much will make you dumb? It makes you forget how to live.”
“We’re having a generation gap, Mister. Don’t you dare saying something like that to me! You don’t have any idea how it feels to be a young girl today.”
“Tell me, which thing that I said was wrong? You young people don’t know what you’re doing. You learn too much, not how to live but how to make living. You want to be loved but never try to love. Let’s see it in a broader view, if everyone thinks the way you think, I mean everyone wants to be loved, then who’s left to love us?”
“Funny, I can’t see any ring in your fingers. And now you’re lecturing me on love? Are you throwing me another joke now?”
“Hahaha… I never thought you notice.”
“How old are you again?”
“I didn’t tell.”
“Okay, how old are you?”
“I am 53, going on 54…” He’s singing one of the original soundtracks from The Sounds of Music. That proves to me what generation he’s really from.
“Never married?”
“I’d prefer not to tell.” He smiles again, but in a bit poignant way.
“Okay, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business anyway.”
“Easy, I don’t mind. You’re not the first person that asked me that. Ha-ha.” He smiles, but his eyes don’t.
The awkwardness surrounds us. Not even a joke could break it.
“How about you, Max? Will you marry that guy in the phone?”
“Well, I don’t know. I love him and we’ve been together for 5 years now. But still I can’t tell if he’s the one. And we fight too much lately. Just feel not right.”
“What hesitate you?”
“A fear that I will make a wrong decision. I think I’m waiting for the sign.”
“Of what?”
“A sign to move to the next phase.”
“And then what? Wait for the next sign again? I think it’s bullshit!”
“Excuse me, Mister, but I think you have no right to judge what I should believe.”
“I’ve been living for almost 54 years, Max, and I’m telling you from those of 54 years, 80% was about pain, hardship, and labor. Heeding the signs will never change this fact. Why wasting your time waiting for them?”
“At least they make me sure that I’m doing the right thing. I can’t do something that I can’t be sure of.”
“See, you’ve learn too much that makes you lost your confident on yourself. It’s weird, the more educated the people are, the harder they believe in something. They become so fixed and stiff. Dumb!!”
“And I guess you’re just too genius that you think lying is just another kind of virtue.”
“Hahaha… I like you Max, you know good jokes. Okay I’m sorry about that Teddy name. But I confessed that right away, didn’t I? It should make me sinless coz I didn’t deceive you or cause you any harm. Teddy is not my real name, indeed. But I had no intention to fool you. You can call me Teddy, or Bob, or Tom, or whatever you feel like it. It doesn’t matter to me. We’re not gonna meet again. So let’s not make any bound or trace about this meeting. Sooner or later, it will come and get us. Break us down inside.”
“You’re a weird old guy. And it’s just a bad, bad, bad combination!”
“I might be weird, but I’m true. You know, being old makes me realize that we’re nothing from the beginning to the end. In the ancient time people lived until they became really old. Do you read Bible? You must know Methuselah, he reached 900. Can you imagine how it feels to live until 900 years? I bet it would make you feel as if you’re immortal somehow. They’re still having sex and madking children even after they’re 200 years old, can you believe that? Geez, 54 is nothing. It may be just I blink of an eye for them. And it makes me feel so young in my 54 hahaha…”
“You’re disgusting, you know!”
“Again, disgusting but true, hahaha… Common, don’t you agree with me? We learn too much, but not about the most important thing. After 2000 years, look what we’ve got. NOTHIN! We even hardly reach a hundred. We learn, but not about the truth. For me, the truth is never about something big. Instead it always comes in a way of modest yet beautiful thing.” He looks at me again, trying to find an approval in my eyes. I feel so transparent, like he can see through me. It’s so torturing and yet relieving. I can’t stand this situation, so I just look at his cup and wait for him to carry on. I’m so afraid he would find what he’s been looking for in me.
I think I am in a real denial right now. But I’ll stay this way coz letting myself carried away means letting him know that I have fallen for him which I do realize so unbelievably insane.
I can feel his eyes aiming at mine, and it’s as if there’s a black hole ready to swallow me anytime soon.
“I know what’s you’re thinking rite now”, he broke my last defense.
“Oh really? Pray tell.”
“Sure, I would love to, your eyes just gave away. But you know what, something tells me that you would lie even if I could tell you your thoughts. Let me tell you something, and this is for your own good. Your way of thinking isn’t simple, and it makes you so vulnerable with lying. One thing from the truth that can never be outdone by anything else in this world is probably its simplicity. Have you ever heard anything true that is too hard to comprehend? Well, some might be too hard to accept, but it’s never too hard to understand. It is so amazing to realize that the truth always comes as a simple thing yet never fails to catch the ears that hear it. The truth never bluff about vanity or pride, or anything that doesn’t belong to itself. It strives to bear a humble skin just to maintain its self as it was. No more, no less. Otherwise, it’s no longer the truth anymore.”
“Okay.” I play my coffee cup to hide my anxiety.
“I don’t mean to judge, but people nowadays learn too much about love. They attempted to create a manufactured feeling about love. Isn’t it crazy? In the old times, falling in love is not as hard as today. I miss the ancient feeling that creates sparks between man and woman. We used to love because man and woman are different. They’re too different that falling in love is almost inevitable.”
“Okay…”
“Isn’t it beautiful, we can falling in love without feeling so guilty and stupid? Everything is so in the law of nature. We live in peace, even with ourselves.”
“Okay…”
“If I may add, the problem with young people today is they became so similar one to another. I mean, men and women are not so different anymore. Men turn to be so pesky, dandy, demanding, and soft. While women try to prove that they’re just as strong, as rough, as harsh as men. At one point, they finally became a similar being. They’re just in the physical differences away. That’s the problem, a similar thing cannot complete each other.”
“Okay, what is your point?”
“If you love that man in the phone, you have to accept that he’s different and he can’t serve your expectation about a perfect guy you wish to have. It’s not fair to him. The truth about love is acceptance. It’s not such a hard thing to comprehend. And you don’t have to be a genius to understand that.”
“Okay… okay… I got it. Just please, don’t do this again. Don’t read my mind. Don’t ever get that close. You’re killing me!”
“Read what? The only thing I can read is your eyes.”
“Swear to God, you’re not lying this time!”
“I can’t swear to God, but I am not lying. Common, don’t tell me that you believed in everything I told you. Or do you?”
He laughs again so hard because I think my eyes just cannot lie. It’s hard not to believe him even I’ve tried. He must have cast me some spells.
“Look, I’m sorry okay…”
“For what?”
“For accusing you a liar and a pervert. I just feel so terrible…”
“I can live with that hahaha…”
“You were right.”
“About what?”
“If I had been told your real name, I wouldn’t be able to forget you since I think I start to like you.”
“Oh well, my dear Maxine, love happens when you least expect it. And thank you, I really appreciate that.”
He finished his latte and went up to the stage right away. He sang a song for me before we ended our unplanned meeting that night. I still can’t remember what is exactly that made me feel like I knew him for years, but I could never forget the way that old man came and touched my life. I was changed and I think that’s what an encounter could do on two strangers whose paths got crossed. I was trying to look for him after that night, but he left no trace. The coffee shop was registered under an unnamed designer. And the management told me that it was a part of the business policy. That old man come and go just like that. But he was right, if only he had told me his real name, I would be drowned in a remembrance of him by now. Memory can cause love, and love kills…
